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36 Alive: Temporarily metabolically abled.
Worst: Least best.
Wrong: Differently logical.
Ugly: Cosmetically different.
Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured.
Short: Vertically challenged.
Dead: Living impaired.
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37 1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
3. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
4. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
5. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
6. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
7. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
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38 "January 1, 2000, is a Saturday. So if the world comes to an end for a couple of days, it'll be OK. We've all had weekends like that." -- Reed Hundt, former Chairman of the FCC
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39 Everyone needs a time-out now and then.
10. It takes 10 minutes to scroll through your bookmarks.
9. You find yourself racking your brain for new search subjects.
8. Instead of going to the bathroom, you "download."
7. You'll only go on vacation if there's electricity, a phone line and a local dial-up number for your ISP.
6. You go on vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem.
5. You find yourself typing .com after every period when using a word processor.com
4. You wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
3. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
2. You check your e-mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
And the top sign you're addicted to the Internet ...
1. You chose the location of your next home based on whether there's
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40 AVERAGE:
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:
Will stick with us until retirement.
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