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6 The following quotes are reported to have been taken from actual Federal (U.S.) employee performance evaluations:
- "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
- "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
- "He would argue with a signpost."
- "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
- "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
- "Takes him two hours to watch 60 minutes."
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7 Funny Bumper Stickers:
· Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
· We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
· It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
· Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
· Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
· Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
· Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
· Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
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8 In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x8'cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life look
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9 · OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
· I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
· Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
· Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
· Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
· Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
· A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
· Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
· Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
· Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
· Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
· Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
· There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
· Why
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10 1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral
7. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, motion sickness!"
8. Meow occasionally.
9. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
10. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
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