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1
Rules:
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
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2
If I want your opinion, I`ll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
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3
Q: What do you say to an Arts graduate with a job?
A: I`ll have a hamburger please.
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4
Useful Work Phrases
1. Thank you. We`re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
3. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t care.
4. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
5. I`m not being rude. You`re just insignificant.
6. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
7. How about never? Is never good for you?
8. I`m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
9. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
10. I`ll try being nicer if you`ll try being smarter.
11. I`m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
12. I don`t work here. I`m a consultant.
13. It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m really quite busy.
14. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
15. I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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5
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
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