| Rating: 4 from 5 (3 votes) |
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| 1 The dream.
Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist.
"I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed
she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and
couldn`t get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until
7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight
here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?"
The psychiatrist kept silent for some
time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"
| | Rating: 2.5 from 5 (2 votes) |
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| 2 The beggars.
Two beggars are sitting on the pavement
in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of
David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by,
they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money
in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat
is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the
men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don`t you realize
that this is a Christian country? You`ll never get any contributions in
this country holding a Star of David."
The guy holding the Star of David then
turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, "Hymie, look who`s trying
to teach us Marketing."
| | Rating: 1.75 from 5 (4 votes) |
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| 3 Jewish film titles
Oy of the Beholder - Singles kvetch about
their awful partners.
Girls Interrupted - Women`s section
of shul are told to be quiet during davening.
Seder House Rules - Zeda explains the
law on Pesach.
Angela`s Kashas - Woman tells all
her secret recipes.
Supernova - Rocket scientists discover
powerful strain of lox.
Dredel Will Rock - Toy comes alive
during Chanukah.
Sleepy Halah - It`s Friday and dad
fills up on bread then dozes off.
Goys Don`t Cry - Rabbi explains
why only Jews celebrate Tisha B`Av.
Goy Story 2 - Issy divorces shiksa,
then marries another.
Mun on the Moon - Astronauts find
hamentashen filling on the moon
Stuart Ladle - Mouse makes chicken
soup for shabbos.
The End of the Affair - Sheva Brachos
finishes at 3am.
| | Rating: 2 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 4 Gourmet food.
Harry was walking down Regent Street and
stepped into a posh gourmet food shop.
An impressive salesperson in a smart morning
coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "Can I help you, Sir?"
"Yes," replied Harry, "I would like to
buy a pound of lox."
"No. No," responded the dignified salesperson,
"You mean smoked salmon."
"OK, a pound of smoked salmon, then."
"Anything else?"
"Yes, a dozen blintzes."
"No. No. You mean crepes."
"Okay, a dozen crepes."
"Anything else?"
"Yes. A pound of chopped liver."
"No. No. You mean pate."
"Okay," said Harry, "A pound of pate then
and I`d like you to deliver all of this to my house on Saturday."
"Look," retorted the indignant salesperson,
"we don`t schlep on Shabbos!"
| | Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 5 The yiddish speaker.
Sadie, an elderly lady, goes up to a man
at a bus stop in Golders Green.
She tugs on the sleeve of his coat and
asks, "Farshtayn Yiddish?"
The man answers, "Yes, Ich Farshtay."
Sadie then says, "Vot Time is It?"
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