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Category Irish Jokes (36 jokes in 8 pages)
The best funny Irish Jokes and clean Irish Jokes.
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| Rating: 4.5 from 5 (2 votes) |
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| 26
Irish father Flannigan, an elderly irish priest invited irish father O`Connell, a younger
irish priest from a neighboring parish who was fresh from the seminary, over for
dinner. During the meal, the young irish priest couldn`t help noticing how
attractive and shapely the house keeper was. Over the course of the evening
he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly irish priest and the
housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young irish priest`s thoughts, the elderly irish priest volunteered, "I
know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly irish priest and said,
"irish father Flannigan, ever since the irish father O`Connell came to dinner, I`ve
been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don`t suppose
he took it do you?"
The irish priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I`ll write him a letter
just sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear irish father O`Connell
I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation at dinner the other night and hope we
have the opportunity to do so again.
On another matter. We had a beautiful silver ladle which was a gift from a
parishioner that comes to visit from time to time. The ladle has come up
missing and I would be very embarrassed to invite her over and she notice
the missing ladle. It is very important that it be found.
Now, I`m not saying that you `did` take a gravy ladle from my house, and
I`m not saying you `did not` take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that it has been missing ever since you were here."
Several days later the elderly irish priest received a letter from the young
irish priest which read:
"Dear irish father Flannigan,
I also enjoyed our dinner and conversation and hope note only that we do so
again, but also that I be permitted to return the favor.
On the other matter. Now, I`m not saying that you `do` sleep with your
housekeeper, and I`m not saying that you `do not` sleep with your
housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own
bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 27
Pat O`Leary left Cork for Philadelphia where he found a job on a
building site. When payday rolled around Pat went out on the town, got drunk
as a goat and spent the night with a prostitute. The following day
(Saturday) Pat decided to go to confession and tell all. When the irish priest
heard his confession he told Pat to say twenty Our irish fathers, twenty Hail
Marys, and twenty decades of the Rosary and to put $20 in the poor box.
Two weeks later Pat`s mate, Rory O`Brien, told Pat he was leaving for San
Francisco because there was tons of work there and the money to be made was
more than twice what could be made in Philly. After a little coaxing Pat
decides to go with Rory.
At the end of his first week on his new job Pat`s wages were more than
double anything he`d made before. Off he goes for a night on the town. Gets
drunk as a lord and spends the night with a prostitute. Come morning remorse
sets in and Pat goes to Mission Dolores for confession. After hearing Pat`s
confession the irish priest tells him to say a couple of Our irish father`s and drop a
dollar in the poor box.
"But, irish father. I did the same thing in Philly and had to say twenty Our
irish fathers, twenty Hail Marys, twenty decades of the Rosary and I had to fork
over $20."
"Ah, sure," the irish priest responded, "what do they know aboout drinkin` and
fuckin ` in Philadelphia."
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 28
Finnegan, drunk as usual, staggers into Church, enters the confessional box, sits down but says nothing.
The good irish father coughs a few times to get his attention, but Finnegan just sits there. Finally, the irish priest pounds three times on the wall.
Finnegan yells, "Ain`t no use knockin, there`s no paper on this side either."
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 29
St, Brendan was supervising the monks who were saving civilization by copying the world`s manuscripts in their little beehive huts. He noted, however, that many were being copied from copies rather than the original texts. So, he went and investigated some of these tomes.
Suddenly there arose a great cry of agony from the saint.
One of the monks ran over and asked what the trouble was.
St. Brendan, shaking with sorrow, replied, "The word is celebrate!"
Thanks to Jim Menacher
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 30
Son Of A Bitch Fish
A irish priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the
last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and
proceeded to reel it in. The guide holding a net, yelled
"Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" Son,
I`m a irish priest. Your language is uncalled for!
No, irish father, that`s what kind of fish it is. A Son of a
Bitch fish!
Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!
Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster.
irish father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I`ve ever seen.
Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch.
What should I do with it? Why eat it of course. You`ve
never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch!
Elated, the irish priest headed home to the church. While
unloading his gear, and his prize catch, Sister Mary
inquired about his trip.
"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "irish father!"
It`s ok Sister. That`s what kind of fish it is. A Son
of a Bitch fish!
Oh, well then what are you going to do with that big
Son of a Bitch?
Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares
to the taste of a Son of a Bitch.
The Sister informed the irish priest that the Pope was
scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should
fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner.
"I`ll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
What are you doing Sister?
irish father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for
the Pope`s dinner. Sister! I`ll clean it if you`re so upset!
Please watch your language!
No, no, no. It`s called a Son of a Bitch fish. Really.
Oh, well in that case I`ll fix up a great meal and that
Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you`ve
finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch.
On the night of the Pope`s visit, everything was
perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was
wine, and the fish was excellent.
The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
"I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud irish priest.
The Pope`s eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister.
The Pope sat silent in disbelief.
And the friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a
Bitch, using a special recipe!"
The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile
creeped across his face, and he said....
"You fuckers are alright!!"
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